If your girlfriend doesn’t listen when you talk, this article will explain why this happens and how to deal with this frustrating situation.
Before we get further into this topic, let’s take a look at an email from a reader who is going through this exact same problem. My response can be seen below in bold.
Note: all names and personal information have been changed for privacy reasons.
Hi Chris, I’ve been with my girlfriend for 1 year and half now. One of few problems i have is that she never really listens to me when i have a story to tell or just talking about my day, she’ll rarely ask question to go in deeper about the stuff i do. Yet i always ask questions I’m not sure what to do.
I can imagine how frustrating this must be for you. Besides the obvious intimacy and affection you get from your girlfriend, you also want her to show an interest in you and listen to what you have to say. I had a similar problem with one of my girlfriends too. She seemed to have an extremely short attention span and couldn’t listen to anything for more than five seconds. It was infuriating. It was hard to connect with her and almost impossible to find any common ground. On the other hand, other women can hang on every word you say and listen to everything, which is awesome and feels great.
I want to have great conversations with my girlfriend. She just wants to know what i’m doing but not interested in more. Shes not an active listener. i’ll say for example today i had a tough day at works and she rarely asks if i’m okay or what happened.
Either she’s (a) not a very curious or interested person by nature, which is a problem in itself; (b) she’s not interested in anything you have to say and this is a sign of huge disrespect and a huge red-flag in the relationship; or (c) she’s a self-centered and self-absorbed person who is only interested in what she has going on in her life.
Another thing is that i want more affection i want to be touched more sometimes if i dont make the first move we could go without touching which sucks. Any help you could give me would be great.
John
There’s a lot going on here. First of all, you don’t feel as though she is listening to you. Second, she doesn’t show you enough affection and love. And third, she is disrespectful and says you’re soft and not strong enough.
It sounds to me as though this is an attraction issue. What happens when a girl loses attraction for a man? She loses respect for him. She takes him for granted. She doesn’t make an effort to see him.
Girlfriend Not Listening
Lower levels of attraction also lead to her being disinterested in what you have to say and not listening to you as much. She will find you more boring and generally uninteresting.
The final nail in the coffin is low level of intimacy and affection. If a girl is feeling lower levels of attraction for you, she will stop touching you as much and stop being as affectionate as she was before.
All of these problems can be resolved in one way, by getting your girlfriend to feel heightened levels of attraction for you.
How do you do this?
If you feel as though you are the one who is always forcing the conversation and trying to get her to open up, you’re probably acting in a way that is far too responsive.
Remember, they have done studies that show that men who are too responsive (initiating conversations, texting too much, calling too much, being too available) are unattractive to women.
Mirror Her Emotions
If you find yourself being too nice to her, trying to force the conversation when you discover that she isn’t listening to you—pull back.
It’s going to be unnerving at first and a little unsettling, but if you have the courage to pull back from a girl the moment you sense that she is interested in what you are saying, you will force her to chase you.
The moment a girl becomes distant and you feel disrespected, pull back and mirror her emotions.
You have to pull back at this point to restore value and respect. If your girlfriend is not listening to you, then it stands to reason that she doesn’t respect you.
Would she behave the same way around someone she respects? Of course she wouldn’t.
So how do you rebuild respect and value, you bring space back into the relationship and make yourself more absent, more scarce, more unavailable.
You must make her feel some uncertainty around the relationship (which is also proven to increase a woman’s attraction for a man). She must feel as though you might lose interest in her if she doesn’t correct her behavior.
You must also show your girlfriend that you won’t tolerate disrespectful behavior and that you have the ability to walk away from her if she continues to be disrespectful (or take you for granted).
The method that is used to get your girlfriend to listen to you and respect you again, must also be used to restore affection and interest.
She Doesn’t Listen, She Doesn’t Care
If you are constantly seeking her touch and trying to initiate intimacy with her, she will notice this.
Women are able to pick up on subtle social cues and if she feels as though you are the one who is reaching for her touch all the time, she will withdraw from you and get turned off by your behavior.
The moment you notice your girlfriend doesn’t listen to you, an absence of affection, and the elements of coldness creep into her behavior, again, pull away and make yourself absent.
It’s hard to do and difficult to implement because you will feel as though you risk losing her or she will move on and find someone else.
However, you must realize that your nice guy behavior has got you into this situation in the first place and it is pushing her away from you and making her lose interest.
You must change your behavior if you are to change her behavior. Women respond to behavior, not words.
If you are able to make some small subtle changes to your behavior you will see the positive change in her behavior towards too.
Set yourself a goal for the next month: don’t reach out to her or seek her touch. Make her come to you and touch you.
Second, don’t try to force the conversation or talk to her about your life, see if she notices—she will. Allow her to drive the conversation forward instead of you doing all the heavy lifting.
If your girlfriend doesn’t listen to you, you can implement this for the next couple of weeks and you will see the change in her behavior.
She will start to open up to you more, she will listen to you more, and she will be more affectionate.
If you find, at the end of all this, your girlfriend is still not listening to you and still isn’t affectionate, then you will need to use a more extreme strategy.