If you find yourself in the situation where your girlfriend keeps pulling away, you will most likely feel disrespected and angry in response. But in this situation, it’s important to adjust your expectations so you know when to expect her to reach out to you again.
To help, let’s take a look at an email I got from a reader who is facing this problem with his girlfriend. In response, I discuss how long women usually pull away for.
The reader has been dating the same girl for the past two years. During that time she has pulled away numerous times throughout the relationship and told him that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with him. The reader is getting sick of this situation and wants to know how to fix this problem.
––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
Hi Chris
I get the virtue of equanimity and being mature and allowing her to go through what she needs to go through. And the importance of her chasing not me chasing her. But Shouldn’t a part of attraction be… I’m not going to allow her to throw shit in my face. and shouldn’t she know I’m not gonna put up with this kind of bullshit.
You’re right, there is a line that a woman shouldn’t cross. She should know that if she crosses a line that you will not tolerate her bad behavior. You don’t, however, put a woman in her place by telling her to behave and trying to correct her behavior by convincing her to be good (trying to talk her into attraction). You need to let her know, through your actions, that you’re not willing to put up with any disrespectful behavior. When a woman has the sense that you will walk away from her and not even blink if she disrespects you, then she will become even more attracted to you in response.
She obviously thinks I’ll always be there just waiting for when she ready to come back. Doesn’t she need to know that I think too highly of myself for her to disrespect me like this and to keep on disrespecting me?
You might think too highly of yourself to be disrespected (most men feel the same way). But are you willing to walk away from your girlfriend if she disrespects you? Are you willing to cut her off if she crosses “the line” and never talk to her again? Only when you get to that point, mentally, will you find yourself in complete control of the situation, and in a position of true power and strength.
She’s Totally standing me up these days, even when I ask her out just to meet up and talk. So much for her “doing the right thing ” as she stated in her last 3 messages to me. Once again total disrespect . She walks all over me knowing I’ll be there as soon as she’s ready.
A woman will only walk all over you when she knows that she can get away with it and there will be no repercussions. She has pulled away from you many times before and she will continue to pull away from you and disrespect you well into the future unless she knows there are consequences to her actions. The question is: are you willing to throw some consequences her way? Would you really be willing to walk away from her and show her that she is not the only one who can pull away?
I don’t know buddy maybe she’s just subconsciously punishing me for her dad never being there for her.
It’s possible, but it’s a reach. Women can have a lot of problems. They can have personality disorders, attachment issues, daddy issues, but at the end of the day if she respects you, loves you, and is attracted to you (you’re doing everything right), she won’t leave, but she might still pull away—that is just in some girls genetic makeup.
This is just such bullshit. So much love, and now this ! How much longer is she going to keep doing this? How long will she not talk to me? I know I’m going through this very stressful thing with her. And she obviously has checked out. At least for now. Sucks. And super weird. What do you think?
Best,
Jeff
––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
Expect Her to Pull Away
There are certain types of women who always pull away at some point (young women often indulge in this kind of behavior).
Even when you’re doing everything right, it’s common for a woman to pull away and temporarily check out of the relationship. Expect it to happen, even in the good times. As I’ve mentioned before in some of my previous videos and articles, the pull away is nothing to worry about because it’s so common.
I’ve lost count of the number of women who have pulled away from their boyfriends. These have all been similar situations to yours. Everything is going great.
There is high attraction, a lot of sweet talk, and a lot of intimacy, then BAM! Right out of nowhere the girl pulls away and starts acting as though she doesn’t want the relationship anymore. And according to female logic, it’s your fault for allowing her to rush the seduction.
It’s an easy fix as long as you don’t get rattled and give in to your emotions in this situation and become emotionally unstable.
When a woman pulls away she either needs space, feels the need to test you, or feels as though the relationship is progressing too fast and she needs to slam the brakes on.
If we look back at your relationship with this girl, take a clear look at the dynamic between the two you. Is she always the one who pulls away?
Why She Grows Distant
Do you try to spend as much time as you can with her when times are good because you want to savior every moment?
Does it feel like everything is moving forward very fast before she pulls away?
If the answer is yes then you can see a familiar pattern developing here. When she comes to you, she gets a predictable response.
You make yourself available, you dive head first into the relationship. I know you love this girl, that’s why it’s so hard to stop yourself from giving everything to her when you get the chance.
But if you keep trying to move this relationship forward as fast as possible, hoping that she won’t pull away from you, you’re going to be disappointed.
Instead, you need to adjust your expectations. You’re not going to lose this girl when she pulls away. The only guys who lose the girl are the ones who panic and try to chase a girl back.
You know this is the wrong thing to do. You’re just fighting your own emotions here.
Adjusting your expectations, means understanding that it’s okay for a girl to pull away, even for a couple of weeks.
It might not be right, it is rude on her part to do this, and you are going to feel disrespected. Right or wrong, it’s becoming increasingly common for women to pull away out of nowhere.
How Long Women Pull Away For
The time period when a girls pulls away is usually, in my experience, at least 2 – 10 days. A couple of days is nothing and if your frame is solid, you shouldn’t even worry if a girl pulls away for a week.
The majority of women (80%) will be in touch within 2 – 7 days. The other 10% might take a little bit longer.
(Note: these figures only hold true if you don’t chase a girl or try to convince her to come back to you. In other words, you go no contact and wait for her to reach out to you first before you contact her again.)
The reason why women pull away (the triggers) are always the same:
She needs space. She feels like the relationship is moving too fast. She decides to test you because she senses that you are relationship focused. You want the relationship more than she does at this moment in time and she knows it.
If you let her go when she pulls away, then you send a clear message in her direction: you’re not needy, you’re emotionally stable, and you’re not as relationship focused as she had come to believe.
You sub-communicate, strength, power, and a rock-solid masculine frame. These are all highly attractive traits for a man to possess.
A lot of guys think when they go no contact a girl will forget about them and move on to someone else. In reality, the girl will become increasingly fixated on you and focused on you the longer you maintain no contact.
When every other guy is chasing her and trying to win her over, you must be the exception. The one guy who isn’t trying to chase her back. Who has the confidence to let her run free and come back when she’s ready.
If you can do this, you won’t lose this girl, even if she continues to pull away from you and test you.
You just need to be aware of the time period you’re dealing with here. It will help to calm your nerves. And you. Should have the confidence to know that this girl will come back to you.
She’s pulled away and come back before. She’ll pull away and come back to you again.