Changing your personality to win the affection of your ex girlfriend is a huge mistake. Unless those changes are positive ones.
I’ve got an email from a guy here, who sounds like a really nice guy. He just sent me an email to say that his girlfriend had just broken up with him. Bu before she broke up with him, he says she was constantly trying to change him.
————
Hi Chris,
I just found your site after my girlfriend of three years suddenly broke up with me and I’m desperate for your help. When we first started dating everything was going great. We would do everything together and we were like the perfect couple.
Even my friends and family always said how were were a great match and looked like the perfect couple. Then out of nowhere, she suddenly says she felt like we weren’t a great fit anymore and that she thought it was time to move on with our lives (I doubt this came from out of nowhere. When a woman suddenly leaves a man, there’s usually been a lot of trouble beneath the surface; unfortunately, the man has missed all the signs).
I can’t believe how cold she suddenly started acting towards me. It’s like she’s a different person and the girl I’ve lived with for the past three years is a complete stranger. I mean sure we had our fights and when I think back on our relationship, the thing that used to bother her most was that she was always trying to change me.
She complained when I played video games. And she would get annoyed if just sat around the house on the weekend. I mean I work a full time job Monday to Friday, and think I’ve earned the right to hang out and relax on the weekend.
(Most women won’t mind a man relaxing and taking it easy. But if you’re being a slob and just eating junk food and playing video games, then she isn’t going to find this attractive. She’s complaining because she loves you and wants you to be more attractive for her. She also probably wants you to spend more time with her.)
This was pretty much the only problem that I can see in our otherwise wonderful relationship. I’m in shock to be honest. If you could let me know what you think that would be great.
Thanks for your help,
Scott
(You don’t need to change for a woman unless you’re making a positive change in your own life. If you’re doing most things right a woman won’t want you to change. In fact, she will admire you and find inspiration that you are leading a positive life and setting a good example. If you’re already living a good life that you are satisfied and happy with, then remain firm and continue to live life like you want to.
If you feel that your woman makes a good point and you actually know that you’re selling yourself short and can do better, then it’s time to take action and start improving your life. It sounds like this reader could do a few things to take action and settle his girlfriend’s concerns—a woman wants to know that she’s with a quality man—and part of being a quality man is taking action and working on projects, fixing things and improving your life.)
————
Women love to try to change a man, there’s no doubt about that. But if you feel like you’re on a good and honorable path, then there is absolutely no reason to change for a woman.
So what is a good and honorable path?
A Man Must Take Action
As a man, it is your energy and drive and confidence that attract a woman. If you lose all your drive and ambition and become a couch potato then this is a huge turn-off for a woman.
The good and honorable path for you as a man, and also for your woman, is to take action to improve yourself.
This improvement can come in many forms.
Now any man who is working his ass off, going to the gym, working on personal projects or businesses deserves to kick back and relax when he feels he needs to. And any woman who tries to stop him or complain should be severely reprimanded and given a lesson in how to show respect.
But if a man consistently fails to move forward in life and just lounges around doing nothing and gorging himself on junk food, don’t be surprised if your lovely lady tries to kick your ass into shape (especially if you’re dating a more attractive and high-value woman).
Change Is A Good Thing
It’s important for all humans to grow and change and develop. I know a lot of couples who get together and then suddenly the girl breaks up with the man because she gets turned off by his lack of ambition and drive.
(Remember: a woman isn’t only attracted to successful men, she is also attracted to men who display traits that indicate that they might be successful in the future. These traits are drive, energy, ambition, intelligence, goal completion, and staying physically in shape to name just a few.)
If you believe that you’re already on the right path in life, and for some reason your woman doesn’t believe in you or support you, then she deserves to be shown the door. You should never have to put up with a woman who doesn’t respect your goals and what you’re trying to accomplish, no matter how trivial these goals might seem to her.
I’ve also seen lots of couples break up because the man, who was ambitious but unsuccessful in his younger years, suddenly became incredibly successful later on in life. These men then feel as if they’ve outgrown their current partner and now have a lot more choices and beautiful women to choose from.
In some cases it’s right for the man to upgrade and get together with a more beautiful and intelligent and sophisticated woman. But if a woman has stood by you and supported you through many years of struggle, if she’s stayed loyal to you, then you should think twice about leaving such a woman unless you really don’t see it working out anymore.
Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back By Improving Your Life
So what do you do if your girlfriend suddenly leaves you? Maybe the writing’s been on the wall for a long time. Perhaps you saw it coming but didn’t do anything about it. Or maybe you missed the signs altogether.
It’s important to know that you can win her heart back by showing positive improvements in your own life.
How do you do this?
It’s simple. You stop focusing on her and you put the focus on yourself. You focus on improving your health and fitness. You focus on getting smarter and more educated. You focus on completing a project and remaining persistent in the face of adversity. You focus on your work and display signs of ambition.
Just the simple fact that you are able to live life without her—and, not only that, you are able to flourish—will make her think twice about leaving you. A woman doesn’t leave a man she loves and respects.
The simple reality is that the more you focus on yourself and improving your own life, the more likely it is that your ex girlfriend will want to get back together with you and support you in your journey.
If your girlfriend has left you because she’s not happy with the way you’ve been acting, use this opportunity as a springboard to start improving your life. You’ll be amazed at the results and what effect this will have on the opposite sex.