A few years back, a guy I knew was about to propose to his girlfriend. They took a trip to a beach resort, and one morning, sitting by the ocean, he asked her a question you should never ask unless you’re ready for the truth: What’s the best sex you’ve ever had?
He thought she’d say, Of course, it’s you. Well, she didn’t. Instead, she told him about this guy she hooked up with when she was 18. The way she described it, you could tell it wasn’t just about the guy—it was the thrill, the excitement, and the sneaking around that made it unforgettable for her. She talked about how they would hide out in places like a garden shed or a treehouse and have wild sex behind their parents’ backs.
Now, this guy hard. He kept replaying the moment over and over in his mind. He asked me, What do I do with this? I can’t shake it. And I told him It’s not about the guy. It’s about the dynamic. That guy made her feel a certain way. He was dominant, he took control, and she loved it. Plus the situation was a little bit taboo.
It wasn’t the 18-year-old neighbor she was fixated on, it was the dominance. The thrill of being dominated by someone who knew how to take control in the moment. And that’s exactly what her fantasy was tapping into—dominance and submission.
So, what’s the number one fantasy women have? It’s dominance. Women want to be with a man who can take control, who leads, and who knows how to create that sense of power in the bedroom. And before you start thinking it’s just about rough sex, it’s not. It’s about the dynamic—her submitting to a man she feels is worth submitting to.
Science backs this up. According to a 2014 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, women frequently report fantasies about sexual submission. The study found that more than 60% of women have had fantasies of being dominated, with common themes of being “overpowered” or “submitting to a man in control.” The reason? It taps into deep evolutionary psychology. Women are hardwired to seek men who can assert control because it signals strength, protection, and the ability to lead.
Now, here’s where it gets interesting. In today’s world, where gender equality is front and center, a lot of women feel conflicted about this. They might talk about equality and partnership—and sure, on the surface, that’s fine. But deep down, many women still crave that feeling of a man who can dominate, who knows how to lead in the right way, and who can create that spark that keeps her coming back for more.
If you’re in a situation where the attraction is fading or things feel too predictable, it might be time to ask yourself—Is your sex life too passive? Are you giving her the chance to submit, or is everything too sweet, too tender, too predictable? Women want that balance. Tenderness has its place, but there has to be some dominance thrown in, too, for her to feel that primal pull toward you.
The truth is, women want to submit, but only to a man who is worth it. She’s not going to give herself to just anyone. You’ve got to show her that you can take the lead—both in and out of the bedroom.