It doesn’t matter if you’re the sexiest man on earth, whether you’re rich or good-looking, or even if you have a perfect relationship–a woman, at some point, will pull away from you. The severity and duration of this withdrawal, however, is up to you. When your girlfriend pulls away, you first need to understand . . . why does she do this?
Is it because your girlfriend has had enough of your company? Is it because she’s a woman and it’s all part of her emotional ups and downs? Or is it simply because she’s trying to test you?
In this article, I’d like to share an email from a guy who is experiencing this very problem. His girlfriend has pulled away from him and he doesn’t know what to do. This is an important article because I literally get hundreds of emails asking me the same question…
My Girlfriend’s Pulled Away, What Do I Do?
Hi Chris,
About three months ago I started dating a girl who I met in the gym. I won’t lie and say she’s just like any other girl I’ve dated because she’s not. She’s got a great personality, Looks fantastic, and the sex is great. I feel like I’ve hit the jackpot and can’t believe my luck that I’m actually dating a girl this awesome. (Beware of putting girls on pedestals.)
For the past three months things have been going really great. Recently I’ve noticed that this girl has started to get a little cold and distant with me. She isn’t sending me messages as often as she used to and before she wanted to meet me as often as possible, but now she seems more withdrawn and I get the feeling that she doesn’t want to talk to me as much as she did before. I really don’t want to lose her, so I’m writing to you to ask for your advice. What should I do to keep this girl interested and wanting to see me again? (Cut all contact with this girl immediately and let her come back to you. For the long explanation as to why, read below…)
Thanks for your help,
Ben
Women Blow Hot And Cold
In all my years of relationship consulting, I’ve never seen a woman that didn’t go cold at some point in the relationship. I’ve spoken to most of my guy friends about this and they all said the same thing: women blow hot and cold.
Don’t take it personally. But there is literally no way that you can keep a woman running hot for you all the time. The only exceptions are women who are extremely co-dependent and clingy. That being said, 95% of all women out there will come to you and then for no explainable reason they will back away from you.
The reason why this scares the hell out of most men is because they don’t understand what’s going on here. If someone likes you it doesn’t seem logical for them to want to pull away from you.
I’ve seen the toughest men breakdown and beg and chase a woman all because the woman backed away from him and went cold for a short period of time.
Indeed, the man’s reaction to the situation often makes or breaks the relationship. Handle her coolness the right way and you’ll win her back and get her love. However, if like most men you breakdown and get nervous and insecure when she pulls away from you, you girl will most likely pull away until she ends up leaving you.
When A Woman Pulls Away, 95% Of Men Do This…
They go into panic mode.
They start to think that they’re losing their girlfriend and that they now have to take drastic action to get her back, when in fact nothing could be further from the truth.
Let me introduce you to 3 people: Peter, Paul and Jane. Jane is currently dating both Peter and Paul, and she likes them both equally.
One day, however, Jane stops responding to both Peter and Paul’s text messages. She’s having a busy day and feeling stressed out from work. She also has some other important errands to run, so she figures she’ll take care of her romantic life once she’s free.
It’s now been 24 hours since Jane replied to either Peter or Paul. Both men notice this, but their reactions are completely different.
Peter doesn’t like it. For the past couple of weeks Jane has been really responsive and friendly. Whenever he sent her a message she would usually reply within an hour or two.
Peter believes that Jane really likes him and he’s almost positive that they’re going to get together. But she’s suddenly stopped responding to his messages and she isn’t picking up any of his calls–something is not right!
Paul, meanwhile, doesn’t care if Jane messages him or not. He’s too busy doing his own thing (working out, seeing other women, working on his own projects, and hanging out with his friends). Paul knows that Jane will get in touch with him eventually. He’s seen this behavior before. If she wants to get in touch, she’ll get in touch.
Peter, on the other hand, has gone into panic mode. He tries to call Jane again but she doesn’t pick up. He then sends her a series of messages asking if she’s okay and if something’s wrong?
After about an hour, Peter receives a message from Jane that says: “Sorry, been really busy. Let’s catch up soon.”
What?! Peter thinks to himself. Busy my ass. She’s playing hard to get, either that or she’s met some other guy. I’ve got to do something… fast!
Peter continues to blow up Jane’s phone, bombarding her with cute messages, jokes and concerned questions.
Jane checks her phone and sees a whole bunch of messages and missed calls from Peter. She thinks to herself, “What’s wrong with this guy? I can’t leave him alone for a day and he starts freaking out. Oh my God, Peter’s just another weak guy.”
Jane’s attraction for Peter instantly decreases. Then a thought suddenly pops into her head, “What’s up With Paul? Why didn’t he contact me?” Her mind begins to wonder… her attraction for Paul increases dramatically.
“Paul’s not desperate at all. He doesn’t even care if I contact him or not. He must be pretty confident and sure of himself. I wonder what Paul’s doing now?” Jane reaches for her phone and calls him.
Peter doesn’t know it yet, but his neediness and desperation has completely destroyed his chance with Jane. Meanwhile, Paul’s patient, non-needy approach has made him appear both strong and attractive–now it’s only a matter of time before he gets together with Jane and consummates their relationship.
Why Your Girlfriend Pulls Away From You
There are a couple of reasons why a woman pulls away from a man, even when things are going well.
Let me lay them out for you right here (and when you understand what’s going on it will put your mind at rest and make her love you even more).
She’s legitimately busy: I know, I know, most guys are thinking, if a woman really likes you, there’s no excuse for her not getting in touch with you.
Heck, she could even send me a message when she’s on the toilet.
But remember, a woman doesn’t respond to messages or initiate contact just because she has a small window of opportunity. A woman will get in touch with you when she misses you or “feels” like she wants to talk to you and see you. “Feel” being the important word here.
When a woman is legitimately busy, let her deal with whatever she has to deal with. Then let her initiate contact with you when she’s a.
She’s maintaining the relationship: as strange as it might seem, When your girlfriend pulls away from you, there’s a good chance that she’s doing it to keep the relationship alive.
To us men this doesn’t make sense, but a woman is much more skillful than a man when it comes to relationship management. A woman understands that if she spends all her time with you that you will, at some point, get tired of seeing her. She also understands that she will get tired of seeing you too.
Therefore, her pulling away from you is simply a way for her to keep you interested in her and to maintain her interest in you. If you want your relationship to stay fresh and interesting, you won’t get upset when your girlfriend pulls away because she’s doing it for the benefit of your relationship.
She wants time to miss you: this is quite similar to her maintaining the relationship. Giving a woman space and allowing her time to miss you is crucial in the attraction building process.
Remember, attraction grows in space. If a woman sees you all day everyday, not only will you have nothing new to talk about, but the attraction will quickly die in the relationship.
Women know this and, believe it or not, they actually want time to miss you.
If you communicate to your girlfriend that you want to see her all the time, then you’re also indirectly communicating to her that you don’t have much else going on in your life.
A woman might be flattered by the attention at first, but it won’t be long before she starts to question your masculinity and test your strength if you make yourself constantly available. This is a huge turn-off.
On the other hand, if you focus on the important things in life like developing new projects, business, education, and your health and fitness, then a woman will find you much more attractive and you’ll also be giving her time to miss you.
She’s losing interest in you: finally we come to the reason that all men fear the most. Your girlfriend is losing attraction for you and losing interest as well. As hard as it is to hear this, it happens all the time (note: if this is the reason you need to take action immediately!)
Unless you’re escalating things properly with a woman, especially before you’ve had sex with her, she’s going to lose attraction for you at some point.
Men who don’t move fast enough and wait around and send endless text messages to their girlfriends without physically escalating the relationship are the main victims here.
If you fail to be bold and take your opportunities, it’s only a matter of time before someone else moves in and steals your girlfriend away from you. It’s been scientifically proven that women are more attracted to men who are bold and selfish compared to men who appear to be nice and kind (University of Amsterdam).
In this case, when your girlfriend suddenly pulls away it’s because she’s lost attraction for you and is focusing her interest elsewhere, most likely on someone else.
She doesn’t want to come off as needy: this is the exact opposite of her losing interest in you. In this case, your girlfriend likes you a lot. And she doesn’t want you to see her as needy or desperate because she really wants to make things work with you.
Her thinking goes something like this, “If I’m always available and always around him he’s going to lose interest in me and not find me attractive anymore. Therefore, I need to back off in order to create and maintain attraction.”
All women have heard horror stories about other girls who were too clingy and desperate and drove their boyfriends away from them. As humans most of us know that being clingy and needy is unattractive and women are even more in tune with this feeling than men.
She’s testing you: there isn’t a man alive who hasn’t at some point been tested by a woman.
A woman will constantly test your strength and masculinity. Whether consciously or subconsciously, she will test you every now and then to see what you’re made of. And for all you guys out there who hate a woman’s tests, well, I’ve got some bad news for you… women are going to test you until the day you die (don’t take it personally, you’re simply up against 200,000 years of female evolution).
One of the most common tests that women run on men is the “I’m backing away, what are you going to do now?” test.
The reason why women run this test on men so often is because it’s so effective at weeding out the weak men from the strong.
I’m not exaggerating when I say that 95% of men out there get paranoid and insecure when a woman suddenly pulls away from them. Women know this and it’s one of the easiest ways for them to test a man and see if he’s strong and confident. Remember, strength is to women what beauty is to men.
Pulling away from a man and going cold for no apparent reason is a great way for a girl to find out if the man is strong and secure or weak and needy.
If a man suddenly starts getting insecure and chasing a woman like crazy, then a woman is much more likely to categorize that man as being over invested in her and therefore more unattractive.
How you respond to a woman’s tests will ultimately determine whether or not the girl falls in love with him or whether she completely cuts him off altogether. If a man continually passes a woman’s tests he will become much more attractive in her eyes until she feels the need to test him less and less.
If a man continually fails a woman’s tests, however, then the man (just like Peter in the example above) will become less attractive in the woman’s eyes until he reaches a point where she completely eliminates him from her life altogether.
The Solution
If your girlfriend pulls away from you, or if she’s pushed you away and doesn’t respond to your messages in the usual way, don’t sweat it. You can find the full solution on how to deal with this problem in the Get Her Back (action plan).