Brad couldn’t understand it. For six months, he’d been hitting the gym hard, and Brianne, the girl behind the reception desk, was all over him. Every time he walked in, she showered him with compliments. “You’re getting sexier every day!” she’d say, even teasing him about how she’d ask him out if he didn’t already have a girlfriend.
One day, after a tough workout, Brad mentioned he was heading home. As he walked out, he overheard Brianne telling her co-worker, “I wish he’d take me home with him.” That set the wheels in motion for Brad. A week later, he went back to the gym and proudly announced to Brianne, “Guess what? I broke up with my girlfriend.” To his surprise, Brianne seemed interested, replying with, “Oh, really?”
The next week, Brad worked up the nerve to ask her out face-to-face. But instead of the eager response he expected, all he got were excuses—reasons she couldn’t meet up, why she was too busy. Brad left the gym scratching his head. What happened? This wasn’t the first time something like this had happened either.
Deja Vu in Dubai
Brad’s frustration reminded him of another experience from when he lived in Dubai. During a scuba diving course, one of the instructors, a girl from the Bahamas, had shown him a lot of interest. She sent him flirty messages every evening, asking how his dives went, telling him how much fun she had talking to him, and even suggesting they go diving together in Oman once the course was over.
Brad thought he had the green light, so one day, he decided to confess. “I really like you,” he told her over text. And just like that, it felt as though the wind had been sucked out of the room. From that moment on, her interest vanished, and her messages became distant.
What’s Really Going On?
Brad was left wondering—how could two women seem so interested, only to lose all that interest the moment he became available and expressed his feelings? The answer lies in the psychology of attraction.
If you’ve read Atomic Attraction, you’ll remember the studies I reference that explain why women lose interest when a man shows too much interest. One such study from the Evolution of Desire explains how being too available and too eager actually lowers your perceived desirability.
There’s also a lesser-known concept at play here: psychological reactance. This occurs when someone feels their freedom is being threatened. When a man comes on too strong, too fast, women instinctively put up their walls, feeling like they’re about to lose their independence. The pressure makes them panic, and they back away.
The Key to Attraction
So, what’s the takeaway? If you sense a woman likes you, don’t rush to tell her that you feel the same. Being mysterious keeps her guessing and wondering about your intentions. When you keep a little distance and let her chase you, you’ll maintain the attraction far better than if you lay all your cards on the table.
Women don’t want you to want them—they want to be the ones who work to win you over. Keep her curious, and she’ll stay interested.