Want to know why a lot of guys can’t hold onto a woman and struggle to get their ex to come back?
Check out the email below and I’ll explain where this guy (and thousands of other guys are going wrong).
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Hi Chris,
I just started dating this girl, who is a solid 9 on the attraction scale. She’s probably the hottest girl I’ve ever been with, usually my girlfriends are a 6 or 7 (This can be a trap! A lot of guys who get a really beautiful girl think they’ll never be able to do better. They put the girl on a pedestal and guess what, when you put a girl on a pedestal she can only look down on you).
Anyway, although this girl is super attractive, she’s also really difficult to deal with. I feel like I’m constantly being tested and I have to deal with a lot of shit that she constantly throws at me. Usually I’m a pretty easy going guy and I’ve never had this kind of problem before (It’s a fact. The prettier the girl the more tests she’s going to throw at you. She’s going to get a lot of attention and lots of guys approaching her so she has to know how to weed out the weak men from the strong men).
Most of my ex girlfriends were really easy to deal with, at least compared to this girl. Anyway, this is driving me crazy. I can’t stop thinking about her. We haven’t slept together yet and already I feel like she’s losing interest. She used to be the one to text me and call me when we first started dating. Now I’m the one doing all the texting and calling (There you go. You’re pursuing this girl and chasing her and acting all feminine. So what’s happening here is that you’re showing this girl that you’re a weak man. You’re essentially turning her off and forcing her to lose attraction).
We haven’t had sex yet, but last week she came over to mine and when I tried to make a move she backed off and went cold. I don’t think I was too pushy or forceful or anything. I just tried to hold her hand, but she didn’t respond and pulled away (A weak move is worse than no move at all. If you’re going to make a move on a girl, be bold, grab her hand, kiss her, but do it with confidence).
She said she had to go to the bathroom. Then when she came out she said she had to go. I don’t know what the to do here. I’m at a loss. No girl has ever been this difficult or hard to get. She’s probably the best looking girl I’ve ever dated and she’s perfect for me (You’re putting her on a pedestal again, kindly take her off it and put yourself on the pedestal instead).
I’m just so scared to lose her to somebody else and I feel her pulling away already (Well, fear attracts like energy—you’re already doing a great job at making this fear come true). Any advice or help you can give me would be really appreciated.
Thanks so much,
Rich
(Back-off dude. Take a deep breath and let this girl come to you. That means don’t text her or call her until she contacts you. Then simply use her attempt to contact you as a means to plan your next date. It’s hard to be patient I know, but if you really want to win this girl over, you’ll have to master patience—a sign that you are a strong confident man—a man she can trust and be attracted to.)
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This is a common mistake that I see a lot of guys make. The guy starts dating a beautiful girl that he thinks is amazing. He’s never seen a girl like her before and then suddenly, for no reason, the woman starts losing interest. What happened? The man showed he cared too much too soon.
Women are sensitive creatures. They pick up on things and are finely attuned to their own feelings and a man’s actions and behavior as well.
The moment you start showing a woman that you care more than her (texting her more, calling her more, wanting to see her all the time, confessing all your feelings, telling her everything about your life and your problems, telling her that you love her first, trying to be exclusive), a woman will inevitably start to lose attraction for you and pull away.
Trouble Starts When Attraction Fades
If your woman already has one foot out the door, texting her and calling her is only going to push her out the door completely and kill any chance you of getting her back.
If you want to get a woman to come back to you, then you have to raise her attraction level to win her back. You have to get her thinking about you—this is crucial.
Unlike men, who are primarily visual creatures, a woman needs time away from you to be able to miss you and become attracted to you (remember: attraction grows in space).
The one who cares more in a relationship is always the one who gets dumped. They’re also the ones who’s usually run around with their tail between their legs, acting all desperate and needy, trying to restore balance and power.
Unfortunately, this has the opposite effect and will only end up driving your girlfriend further away from you.
So even if you do care more about your girlfriend/wife at this point in time, it doesn’t mean you have to show it. It took me a long time to realize this myself.
Chase Her And She’ll Run Away
I remember when I first started dating girls. I would play the nice guy, act nice (but not necessarily sincere) and tell a girl all my feelings for her. Then one day, I remember this moment quite clearly, I had a headache and wasn’t feeling too well.
I was waiting in line at the airport (there was a delay and we were lining up for over an hour to get help). So I’m waiting in line and I get talking to the girl in front of me.
Now this girl was a really good looking girl. But the thing was, my head was pounding. Usually I would have been super friendly and nice to a girl like that, but at that particular moment in time all I could think about was my head.
Every time this girl spoke to me I winced with pain. I definitely wasn’t smiling. To anyone watching, I would have looked completely uninterested. All I could think about was my headache and I just wanted the pain to go away.
And then the strangest thing happened…
This beautiful girl turned her body towards me and started to become very friendly and flirtatious.
I remember thinking, in my moment of pain, what’s going on?
I wasn’t being friendly. I wasn’t being chatty. I wasn’t even smiling at her. I couldn’t have looked more uninterested if I’d tried. Little did I know my headache was causing me to act in a way that appeared cool and indifferent.
I was unconsciously raising this girl’s curiosity and attraction for me. At that point in time it confused the hell out of me. But now I understand exactly what was going through this woman head…
“Hey, why isn’t this guy smiling at me like all other guys?”
“Why isn’t this guy asking me a million questions like all other guys?”
“Why isn’t this guy giving me the come on like all other guys?”
“Why does this guy look completely uninterested in me, I’m a beautiful woman… who is this guy?”
“This guy isn’t acting like anyone else I’ve met… he must be different, he must be special, what is it that makes him act this way?”
You see, inadvertently, I’d shown this girl that I wasn’t as interested in her as she thought, and this only raised her attraction level for me even more.
It’s counter-intuitive I know and it takes courage to pull it off, but it works. If you find yourself caring too much about a girl’s interest in you and what she thinks about you, you’re going to lose her…
The only way to attract a girl back is to give her space and let her think about you. If a woman starts chasing you and has time to think about you, then she’ll come to the conclusion that she must really like you… why else would she be thinking about you? The rest will take care of itself.