If youโre trying to seduce a girl whoโs younger than you and she pulls away, what should you do? This article will show you what to do and the pitfalls to avoid.
First, letโs take a look at an email from a reader who is going through this exact same problem. My response can be seen below in bold.
Note: all names and personal information have been changed for privacy reason.
Iโm a man of 40 and 6 days ago I kissed a woman of 25, who lives in my same apartment complex (we kissed at a bar though). Being so near means that weโve hung out every day since then, no sex yet.
Itโs great that you kissed her and escalated the physical attraction. However, you donโt want to hang out every day even if she does. Itโs important to give the โillusionโ of being busy and to remain a challenge. Also, remember that until youโve had sex then you have no real leverage over a woman or power.
The power and control is still firmly in her court, so you need to continue to seduce her the right way and make sure that you remain a challenge.
We have been on a blanket in a park, in my apartment and in hers but not in her room. There has been some cuddling, kissing, and some partial undressing. She seems a bit uncomfortable/inexperienced about her physicality.
She said she is a virgin, got close to sex a few times but always stopped the guys just before, mainly because of her Christian faith, although she says she is now ok to have sex before marriage if โshe is in loveโ. She is a bit stone cold when she undresses (just the top and not fully). However, she snuggles up against me spontaneously when we see each other. She sometimes initiates kissing. She seems in an exploratory mode.
Sheโs obviously attracted to you and desires you, thereโs no doubt about that; however, her Christian faith shouldnโt be a big problem if sheโs come this far.
But whether she is a virgin, a Christian or a party girl doesnโt matterโyou have to treat all women the same and remain a challenge and be mysterious. Donโt be too available for this girl. And continue to push for physical intimacy.
Itโs also incredibly important to mirror her actions. When you feel her start to pull away from you and cut contactโฆ then you do the same and pull away and wait for her to reach out to you.
When she is really into you and wants to see you, simply mirror her and see her too, around 75% of the time. This is to make yourself busy and more scarce.
I have never in all my years dealing with thousands of clients, seen a woman who doesnโt respond to challenge and scarcity in a positive way.
She tells me โyou are differentโ (in a positive sense), so indeed my approach with a girl is more physical and romantic than the average guy (as she herself pointed out, appreciatively).
She typically replies to calls or texts, and occasionally has even texted first.
We do NOT use endearing terms with each other, and the second day we agreed that we didnโt need to define what we have since itโs so early.
Itโs time to switch things around here. You say that she โoccasionallyโ texts first. You have broken the ice with this girl and kissed her and become somewhat physical with her. Itโs now time to let her chase you. You need to transition from being the one who is texting her first to allowing her to come to you.
Also, make sure that when she does come to you that you are fun and light and continue to be romantic and flirty.
But you want to always give the impression that you are a busy man and that a woman has to work to see you. She is attracted to you, there is no doubt about that.
The only way you can screw this up is by over pursuing this girl and coming on too strong (texting too much, being too available and wanting to see her too much).
Today (six days later) she is pulling away, replies to a sweet message (โgood morning beautiful girlโ) but does not reciprocate the sweetness (she just writes โthanks, lolโโI found the โLOLโ curious) and then cancels on our plan tonight (exercise together in the gym and then go somewhere).
My best guess is that, us living so close, she is either: needing space to keep attraction, testing if I am strong, or she just hung out with me because she enjoyed the attention of an older guy and she could brag about it with her friends. I did not reply to her last message (the cancellation) and I intend to keep her wondering. But what would you suggest?
Should I just reply โsure, no problemโ to act confident or just total silence? Wait until she gets in touch, or until I bump into her? What if she does not get in touch? Itโs obvious that I will see her sooner or later anyway (remember, we live in the same building!), but what would I do in that case?
In this situation, you have to understand that you guys both live in the same apartment building.
This girl is probably thinking that if she gets too close to you right now so quickly, then she is going to feel suffocated and in a difficult situation because she will have to see you, like you say, even if she doesnโt contact you.
So what do you do? Itโs easy. You mirror her, again, and completely back away. You have to let her know that you arenโt going to suffocate her and always be trying to see her. You need to sub-communicate to her that she can still have her own private space and that you wonโt mind if she doesnโt see you all the time.
Iโve been in the same situation as you before, girl living in same apartment building, and you have to let them come โKnockingโ on your door when theyโre free and ready. So she cancelled the date, just ignore it and say something easy going like, โno problem. Enjoy your day/evening.โ
Donโt worry she will get in touch with you again as long as you donโt chase her too hard and always be the one reaching out to her. And if you do run into her, just act cool and ask her how sheโs been doing.
Sheโll say something predictable like sheโs been busy, then sheโll ask how you are and you just have to say that youโve been really busy yourself and that you guys must catch up again sometime when youโre not so busy.
Itโs an interesting situation when a guy is dating a younger woman because there are some important principles to keep in mind. I want to share these with you here because I think they will really help you get into the right type of mindset with this girl.
Dating Younger Women
Most men can only dream of dating a younger woman, even though itโs been found that the older we get as men, we still want to date younger women.
Fortunately for us men, the opposite isnโt true. As we get older, younger women still find us desirable and want to date us.
This is great news for men and itโs always great to know that as we get older, we still have many options with women (assuming you donโt let yourself go and become overweight and excessively out of shape).
That being said, there is nothing like a bit of an age difference to bring out the insecurities in a man in a relationship.
If youโre dating a girl 10, 15 or 20+ years younger than you then you, then itโs often natural to feel that this is too good to be true and the relationship wonโt work out.
But the truth is, the only reason relationships with an age difference donโt work out is because one of the partners in the relationship becomes obsessed about age difference and canโt let it go.
Dating younger women, however, is very different to dating an older woman. Itโs not always easy and it takes a confident man to date a much younger woman and keep her around for the long-run.
Once you know what youโre doing though, dating a younger woman is incredibly easy and has a lot of advantages.
In every culture and society in the world, younger women are attracted to older men. However, in Western society this is often frowned upon (mostly by older women who see younger women as a threat).
The fact remains, despite what feminists and modern society tries to tell us, younger women will always be attracted to older men because itโs written into our biology. Despite what many people like to think, human beings are hard-wired this way.
Age Attracts Youth
Older men are naturally attracted to younger women and younger women are naturally attracted to older men.
But a lot of men that I speak to feel ashamed that theyโre dating a younger woman. They worry what their parents will think, what their friends will think and what strangers and society as a whole will think. They also worry what their girlfriendโs friend will think and they worry that people will laugh at them.
The reason you shouldnโt feel ashamed to date a younger woman, however, is because itโs completely natural.
Women and men are attracted to each other for different reasons. Men are attracted to a womanโs youth and beauty and femininity. And women are attracted to a manโs strength and resourcefulness and masculinity.
At no point in time does a woman find herself attracted to a man because he is young. If anything, youth works against men as many young guys will tell youโฆ they canโt get laid despite their best efforts.
A womanโs nature understands that young men often lack true confidence, strength and masculinity. They also often lack experience and worldly skills that women find so endearing and interesting when they date older men.
In fact, a young manโs naivety and lack of real world experience can be a very real and dangerous threat to a womanโs existence and the manโs ability to protect and provide for his woman.
Again, a womanโs nature implicitly understands this and this is why women so often gravitate towards older men.
This is nothing to be ashamed about, instead it is something to be embraced and accepted. And despite what people will tell you, women usually hit their prime between the ages of 18 and 25. Whereas a man doesnโt hit his dating prime until around 35+ years old.
Unfortunately, most men are completely out of shape by the time they reach 35+. Theyโre overweight, badly dressed and they look 50 years old from drinking too much alcohol, smoking too much, and eating too much junk food.
If you look like a slob it doesnโt matter who you try to date, women in general just wonโt be interested.
Itโs important to realize that if you keep in shape as a man and take care of yourself, then you can easily date younger women well into your late 60s.
Women Like Older Men
Before I get into the โHow Toโ of dating a younger woman, itโs important to take a look at some of the reasons why younger women want to date older men.
This is so we can understand why younger women find older men attractive.
โ Older men are more emotionally stable.
โ They have more resources (money and assets).
โ They are more committed and more likely to settle down.
โ They take the relationship more seriously.
โ Older men will value a younger woman more.
โ They are more likely to protect and nurture a younger woman.
โ They are more refined and elegant than younger men.
โ They are usually more confident and strong (in mind and body).
โ Older men are more street wise and worldly.
Just remember that dating a younger woman takes a certain level of strength and mastery, especially when it comes to maintaining the relationship.
In every relationship there are problems and tension. This is felt even more acutely in relationships where a large age difference exists.
The greater the age gap, the more the man and the woman will wonder if age difference is okay or if itโs actually going to be the ruin of the relationship.
I have successfully dated women 15 years younger than myself and I have seen other men successfully date women 25 years younger than themselves.
That is just the successful 10%. The other 90% never go the distance and the age barrier always causes a problem, even though it shouldnโt.
When youโre dating a younger woman you have a choice: either you can talk about the age difference and make it an issue or you donโt.
Is Age Just a Number?
Iโve seen guys try to reassure their younger girlfriends that age isnโt a problem, when it obviously isโฆ only to them. These same men make the age difference an issue and itโs always in the back of their mind.
If you start worrying about the age difference between you and your girlfriend, your girlfriend is going to worry about it too, and before you know itโฆ age has suddenly become a problem.
Now there will be times when your girlfriend will worry about the age difference in the relationship. This is normal and itโs what women do, they worry.
When this happens itโs important not to be worried or disturbed by what she says. Simply laugh it off and tell her that you donโt even notice the age difference because you already have a strong emotional connection with her.
The less you worry, the less sheโll worry about the age difference. Men who are most successful dating younger women donโt even worry or care about age difference. And if they do, they definitely donโt make it an issue or a problem.
If youโre dating a younger woman itโs tempting to fall into the role of โsubstitute father.โ Women love this to a point, but itโs also very easy to fall into the trap where you try to educate your girlfriend about life.
Stay Young at Heart
Itโs understandable that your protective instincts kick in and you want to help guide your girlfriend through life, but if you try to tell her what she should and shouldnโt do, and if you try to explain to her how the world โreallyโ works, youโll end up coming across as just another boring older guy.
The only time you should give advice is if your girlfriend asks for it. She wants to feel equal in the relationship, she wants to have a strong emotional connection with you. If you start lecturing your girlfriend, youโll only end up driving her away from you.
Also stay young at heart. Now youโve probably met guys in your life who are in their 50s but act like theyโre twenty years old.
Thereโs also a lot of young guys in their 20s who have the mind of a fifty year old and are very serious about everything.
When youโre dating a younger woman itโs important to embrace your younger self.
Just because you look forty or fifty when you look in the mirror doesnโt mean that you have to act like youโre forty or fifty.
You can still be a very refined and intelligent older man, but find joy, excitement and humor in life like a lot of younger guys do.
Dating a younger woman will require you to have a good sense of humor and zest for life. Your younger girlfriendโs still most likely experiencing the world and excited about life; itโs important that she can share that joy and excitement with you.
I had one friend who was dating a girl fourteen years younger than himself. This girl ended up breaking up with him because whenever she wanted to go to a new place or try something new he would say itโs boring and heโd already done it.
If you want to kill your relationship, thereโs no better way than to be a killjoy.
Iโve also seen a lot of guys date younger women and literally worship the ground that these women walk on. Itโs kind of understandable that a lot of guys act like this.
A lot of men get out of bad divorces or have have spent the last ten years in a relationship with a woman their own age, when, suddenly, they find themselves dating a much younger woman who looks great naked and has a fresh and innocent view on life. The younger woman isnโt jaded and she doesnโt have baggage.
The natural reaction in this kind of situation is for the man to treat the younger woman like sheโs something incredibly special.
Sure she is special, especially compared to a lot of older jaded women out there, but you donโt want to let her know that.
The moment a woman thinks that sheโs special in the relationship is the moment she starts to think that sheโs higher value than the man. This is danger time.
If a young woman gets a sniff that you might value her much more than she values you then sheโs going to start testing the hell out of you and sheโs going to make you jump through hoops to please her.
You need to establish from the beginning that as the older man in the relationship that you are higher value than the woman, regardless how old she is or how beautiful she is.
Masculine Attracts Feminine
This last part is very important. You must be very masculine when dating younger womenโฆ
If your find yourself dating a younger woman then thereโs a very good chance that your girlfriend is extremely feminine.
In fact, the bigger the age difference the more feminine your girlfriend is likely to be. Truly feminine women always seek out older men as partners because this relationship dynamic feels more natural to them.
When a woman is extremely feminine she is much more likely to be physically smaller and to also have a softer โgirlierโ personality.
Because of these traits a feminine woman is much more likely to seek out a man who is older and more capable of protecting her.
Younger, more feminine women always look for more masculine men to be with as this is the perfect compliment to her femininity.
This means that as a man you have to fully embrace your masculinity and be an โalpha maleโ if you want to keep your younger girlfriend attracted to you.
You have to make her feel that you can protect her both physically and emotionally. You also have to exude strong masculine traits like leadership, confidence and decisiveness when dating your girlfriend.
Your girlfriend will also expect you to be fully in touch with your masculinity. Where younger guys are known for their indecisiveness, uncertainty and false confidence, you must stand out with your boldness and real, true confidence.
Women Want Alpha Males
If your girlfriend senses that you arenโt really sure of yourself and that you arenโt internally strong and confident enough to date her, then she will start to pull away from you and seek out a relationship with another man who is strong and confident.
The same applies if you try to seek reassurance from your girlfriend that she loves you and really is attracted to you.
Iโve seen a lot of guys date younger women and it ends up brining all their insecurities and vulnerabilities to the surface.
These guys worry that they look too old when theyโre with their girlfriend. They worry that their girlfriend will leave them for a younger (more handsome) man.
They worry that things are too good to be true and itโs only a matter of time before their girlfriend realizes that she with an โold manโ and dumps him for someone closer to her own age.
If you start to think like this then youโre literally opening up Pandoraโs Box and creating a world of trouble for yourself. Remember, your thoughts will materialize into real life actions.
If you start to doubt yourself and your relationship, your girlfriend will start to sense this.
Her immediate response will be to test you, and a younger woman will always try to test your masculinity to make sure that youโre strong and certain and sure of yourself.
The important thing to remember is that staying strong and embracing your masculinity is exactly what you need to do to keep your girlfriend attracted to you.
Age isnโt a real problem unless you make it a problem and start obsessively focusing on it. It only becomes a problem if you start to doubt yourself and act insecure over the age difference.
Guys who are successful dating younger women never focus on age difference. They keep the relationship light and playful and fun and donโt try to lock their girlfriends down into a committed relationship.
At the same time, these guys are very masculine and confident and they donโt let small things like โage differenceโ and uncertainty get in the way of a great relationship.
And believe me, dating younger women is one of the most amazing and pleasurable dating experiences you can have! If you find yourself dating a younger woman, make sure you enjoy it, embrace it and cherish it.
Keep in mind that a woman pulling away is completely normal and nothing to be scared of. Instead it should be embraced because this means sheโs into you and is simply testing your masculinity before she proceeds to a full physical relationship with you.